December 22, 2007

Saturday, December 22, 2007 4:45:53 AM

I have been putting off my journal more than I have intended.  I guess that shows the difficulty of it or at least the lack of habit on my part.  As I am struggling to gain control of my life and put my greatest efforts toward my greatest desires journaling is an area that is still out of order.  Writing is something that I know can survive my own mortality.  It is also a way I can sort things out and understand and even shape the experience I am having.

I think the happiest lives are the most connected lives, the lives of people who live making a positive impact on other people.  I also think they are the lives of the most empowered people.  I also believe they are the loves of people who do what they love and love what they do.

As I am making this major change in my employment these are the things I am thinking of.  It is very difficult to put money down on the list because I know there is a comfort and a power that comes with money.  There is also of course a powerlessness and an enslavement that comes with its lust.  Right now what I am hoping is that I will be able to rid myself of my stuff and stop spending a greater part of  my life energy in its maintenance but rather free up my time so that I can truly get things in order and gain a greater understanding of life and the things in it.

We watched an incredible documentary last night.  I don’t exactly remember the title off the top of my head but it was something to the effect of “God must have forgotten us”.  I was a little nervous about it at first but I am so glad I watched it.  The documentary told the story of a group of Sudanese boys who were orphaned or separated during the civil war in the late 80’s.  There was a decree from the north to kill of castrate all boys.  If I remember correctly there were 27000 who started on the exodus out of Sudan but only about 12000 who arrived.  I am not sure if the entire difference was casualties but I understood a great number starved to death.  There was an 11 year old who was in charge of taking care of 3 younger than himself.   A program from either the US or UN allowed a certain number of them to come to the United States.  The documentary tracked their progress here.  It was interesting to find that their complaint of the US after having suffered the horrific conditions I described was that the people were too closed and too cold.  Also the life style was too sterile in that one would barely be able to make contact with their best friends in need to meet the demands of the work place.  The documentary also tracked the way that when they first arrived in the US they would send almost every penny home and have money left over but after a while, car payments and phone payments started taking away their ability to have left over money.  By the end however you could see that they were indeed able to keep their reach to their home.

Seeing the documentary steeled some of my thoughts regarding immigration policy.  I am very much in favor of having more open borders even if it means a reduction in my own “quality’ of living.  It is an atrocity of humanity to live in a world where people on one side of a border are killing themselves by eating too much overly abundant food while people on another side of a border are dying for lack of the same food that is glutting the others.

I was a bit both comforted and overwhelmed when I saw how confused and powerless the refugees who came to the US felt when it came to doing something to have a positive impact with respect to the people from their home.  Even with intimate knowledge of the people and the situation they were struggling for answers.  The comfort came from the idea that I am not the only one who doesn’t know.  The overwhelmed feeling came from the idea that I do not understand how to have an impact or even how much of my own resource to apply toward the problem.  It was easy in the documentary to cheer for the people as they struggled to get a college education and build themselves up so that they would be powerful enough to help yet of course it begs the question of “What should I do”.  I have been to college and I do have an education.  I have money that exceeds my needs for survival.  I was happy that I had supported the one laptop for every child program.  I know that even an underpowered computer is plenty to light an eager mind.  I believe that education and empowerment are the ways out of poverty.  I think that places like Sudan lack education and places like the United States lack empowerment.

Even with enough “guts” to do what I am doing as I face my fears I am beginning to understand how great a barrier it is that separates the comfortable life from the mission driven and enabled life.  Even though a great part of what we spend our money on is not for core necessities the thought of parting with some of the comforts is a scary one.  With that another scary thought is the one of actually coming up short in the necessities especially medical necessities.   That is one way education really can make an impact.  A major part of what makes medical things so expensive is the amazing amount of education it requires to treat medical conditions.  As medical education expands the availability of quality medical services should also expand.