December 26, 2007

Wednesday, December 26, 2007 1:52:56 PM

Today has been an off day.  I am not feeling extremely depressed but I am feeling so overwhelmed I can’t seem to get anything done.  I woke up at about 3:30AM and could not get back to sleep.  I think it was from stress of pending work.  I am sure I am overwhelmed with what I feel like I need to get done in the time I feel like I need to get it done.  With that I am also probably feeling sick from all of the chocolate I have been eating.  This morning I was certain I was going to throw up.  By afternoon it has been going away but I still have a bunch of “pukey” burps.  I am feeling very down on myself about how fat I am getting but I haven’t been doing anything about it.  I think I am caught in the “tomorrow” syndrome.   I am at a very frustrating stage with my hernia recovery in as much as that I do not have the capacity to be fully functional but I do have the energy and anxiety of not getting much done.  As we are trying to get the final stages of moving prep done I am feeling especially trapped in my condition.  I am certain that a lot of physical activity would be a big help to my state of mind.

With that said I have been thinking about how difficult it will be to have days like today in the trailer.  The kids have extra energy, I am feeling sick.  Lexie is working to an agenda that isn’t lined up exactly with me or the kids.  I appreciate what Lexie is doing it is just frustrating that I can’t participate in lock step.  We will need strategies to deal with days like this from the trailer.  Letting the kids go out to play in traffic or out in the woods with bears is not an acceptable solution.  One thing I am counting on improving in our situation is that I am hoping that the reduction in overhead will result in fewer days like this where everyone (or at least me) is overwhelmed.  It used to be on Sundays Lexie and I would manage to trade naps and get through the day pretty well that way.  I am hoping we can find something similar to do in the trailer where we get the quiet bunch and the noisy bunch separated for intervals sufficient to get each the reset that they need.

One of the things I have not done yet which I really really want to get done is to get a definition of what the perfect trailer day would be like so that we can start to work toward it.  I still don’t know but these are some ideas to get started on:

• Exercise every day. Everyday because every day is easier to keep track of.  While I am getting started I think I will use rest days for stretching.  I think the exercise needs to be on the order of 45-90 minutes.
• 5-10 hours of work depending on the days agenda
• Simple healthy meals that are cleaned up right after they are eaten.  Meals will be planned such that they stay healthy, economic and interesting to eat.
• Time interacting with the children and helping them develop toward their goals.
• Trailer cleaned at 9AM, 1PM, and 7PM every day.
• Journal and blog entries done every day.  At least one picture per blog entry to improve the photo coverage of our activities.
• Skill development of some kind.  In my case mostly related to meeting goals of attaining skills needed for my development.
• A family activity (size will vary by school schedule)
• Spiritual time for reflection, meditation and prayer

I think those are a pretty good start.  Some weekly items include:

• Planning, meals, activities, lodging, school goals, work goals
• Laundry
• Shopping
• Church
• Big blog update.