September 28, 2008

Well life has been rolling along. When it comes to newborns I don't find that I have realized much perfection with practice. It seems the baby is screaming all the time and Lexie and I are still kind of stumbling around in a sleep deprived stupor. That is the way I remember it being with all of them. The good news is if I remember correctly in a few more weeks the baby is going to get better at sleeping. With that said a personal development I sense is that I do think I have had deeper feelings about Jacob than I did about the others as newborns. Not to say I love him any more than the others but rather I think I am capable of more love now. I appreciate all of my children more than I ever have. I almost started crying when they came to greet me at the end of church today I was so overwhelmed with what a beautiful family I have. Yes this is still Dan writing. I will point out almost crying is still manly, where as all the way crying 90's man stuff is still sissy.

Back to logistics of having a baby ... When we started our trip I was very concerned about whether or not we would have enough space for a new born in our small trailer. In fact I started with the idea that we didn't and that we would simply buy a bigger trailer when the baby was born. Now our plan is to keep our smaller one for a while longer. All travel trailers are small and we have the one we are in figured out. It turns out that it works out really well to walk a baby back and forth through our little hall way. In fact, in that I respect I don't notice any difference to having had babies in a full sized house. Jacob seems just as happy to be walked in a short orbit than any of the others did to have their longer orbits for their night walks.

As the Canadian geese are flying over head I am getting more and more anxious to follow them. Realistically it isn't practical to leave for a few more weeks. However waking up to frost covered ground and feeling a little cold bite in the breeze pushes my thoughts toward warmer places and waiting adventures. I am putting some thought into not actually going east right away this winter and simply starting down in Arizona for a while. It seemed like we blitzed through Arizona way to quickly on the last pass through. However with that said there are several places we haven't even passed through yet.

I asked my two oldest today what their fondest dream was. Tyrell's is to put the first puppy on the moon, Dallin's is to go to the moon. Those seem like the kind of dreams which could easily change by next week or even could have changed already, however it did make me think we should swing though the Johnson Space Center in Houston in route to the Kennedy Space Center in Florida just in case they weren't the kind of dreams that changed. I don't know if I have told them or not, I probably have because I talk a lot, but I can't look at the moon with out wanting to be on it. I revel in imagining how great it must be for the astronauts who have had the opportunity to view the world from space. I also find myself enchanted thinking about all of the mysteries held in space, the keys to answers of some of which could be as close as our very own moon. From there of course the eye turns toward Mars. I don't have any doubt there are breakthroughs in human understanding to be had from getting a closer look at the red planet. Astronomy was definitely one of my favorite classes in college. I just haven't ever found time or channels to pursue it much. Something I have loved about road life and indeed something that pulled me toward it is that I see a lot more of the night sky. The summer in Alaska of course was a dearth of night star gazing. Now farther south with winter coming on the Idaho sky is lighting up in an incredible way. I get really excited when the kids look up in the sky and then ask for the star chart.

On the subject of doings and happenings. Tyrell got his Bobcat rank in cub scouts. He has been very enthusiastic about working on his cub scout requirements. A quick funny about Dallin before I forget it ... Today at dinner he jumped up from the table and plunged his head into the garbage can gagging. Lexie and I were of course understandably concerned. We broke down in a fit of laughter when we found out what had happened was that Dallin in his own words "had tried an experiment" of eating a whopper candy together with a small pizza pocket. Yes Dallin that was an experiment doomed from the start, but now you are a smarter six year old. One of Natalyn's funnies of late was when she was asking for a drink Lexie told her to have the drink by her bed. The water had been sitting there all day and of course was likely quite stale. Natalyn responded "I don't want that water,it tastes like hornet's blood". Okay ... I'm not one who could say it doesn't ...

Each night Lexie reads to the children a chapter or two from a book. The latest books have been Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys. The whole family loves mysteries and that includes reading about Scooby and the gang. Natalyn has been practicing her sleuthing skills. Tyrell's pet grasshopper died. Natalyn was quick to announce, "We're on the case! Clue 1 something was blocking it's way. Number 2 - water report: it had no water, and it loves water!" I think she might make a pretty great detective.

David was pretty pleased with the stickers he found to decorate his sword.

Tyrell has his bobcat rank.

The kids always seem to have fun at pack meetings.

Oh yes! another event of great importance since I last wrote is that we celebrated the thirty third anniversary of the dawn of consciousness, my birthday. Honestly I can't say that consciousness has truly dawned yet but some days it seems closer than others. I am old enough that getting older doesn't feel quite as exciting as it used to. In fact it is kind of the opposite. Even though life comes with no guarantees expressed or implied. Somehow every time I see a year go by lately I feel like I have used up a part of that non existent warranty.

Yes, somehow that is a 33 on that cake!

We had a leak under the bathroom sink which I didn't really have a clue how to fix and didn't want to invest the time in figuring out so we took our trailer to the Bish's service center. It seemed unfair to have to take the bathroom sink to the plumber instead of having the plumber come to the bathroom sink. I can't think they worked on it for more than a couple of hours but they tied up the trailer for the entire day. It was strange being homeless for a day. We had a good time while we waited. Before the oldest boys were done with school we went for a quick visit to Grandma Meikle's. We also did some belated birthday shopping for me. I now have a running pack to carry my water bottle. After the boys got home we went to Freeman park to wait for the trailer to be ready. We had a very nice game of steal the flag there as a family. Ty and Dallin are getting fast enough to be a little challenging to catch. After picking up the trailer we decided to take advantage of being off leash on a Friday and went to Twin Bridges to camp rather than coming back to Thornton. We joked to the kids that they would know they were camping because they weren't allowed to turn on the lights, run extra water and they would be cold in the morning. Some how that's fun and it is. Well the some how of course is at night we were able to witness another one of those amazing skies and in the morning we went exploring. I am disappointed with myself for not getting pictures but I will leave it in text that the South Fork of the Snake River is beautiful in the fall.

We were able to have a quick visit with Grandma Meikle.

Our cutie, Jacob.

Share those cheeks Jacob!

Photographic evidence that I exaggerated at the beginning of the article. He does not always scream (even though I can hear him now as I am writing). Sleep well little angel!

 

September 14, 2008

When I do my running lately my favorite part of my run is when I am going east. The reason for this is that on clear days with the lighting right if I look for it I can see the summit of the Grand Teton. I like to look at the peak and imagine I am running toward it with the intention to climb it. I like to remember that I stood on the mountain's top just over a year ago. I find the view of the Grand Teton very symbolic of dreams in life.

Eastward view from my trailer. The summit of the Grand Teton shows up in this picture but you have to know it is there and really be looking for it.

The same picture as the previous with the Grand Teton painted over to show its location.

The best and biggest dreams of life seem to spend most of their time seeming so far off and at many times not even visible. However at times with persistence and with a constant eye toward them we eventually meet the fruition of our efforts. Last year as I was looking forward to an attempt on the Grand Teton while I knew the climb was something I would be capable of, until I successfully made the accent the goal remained as an unrealized potential. I do not cease to be amazed at the way that some things can be so clear some times yet at a majority of the other times the same things of which we enjoyed a perfect clarity of vision can become blurred to the point that they do not seem to even posses a space in our consciousness. Only later do these things again appear with the same or greater clarity through which we once understood them.

The dream I am thinking about today isn't a mountain climb but rather the one that caused me to sell my house and leave my job. The way from day to day I can see or can not see the Grand Teton from here depending on the weather and depending on how much effort I give to looking for it reminds me of the way the vision of the life I was after will slip in and out of my consciousness from time to time. As my work on my first game is getting closer to completion I have enjoyed some renewed clarity in the vision. While at the present I am faced with a lot of doubts it is nice to think back on previous success and find belief that what I am doing can work. In life believing in something, working toward something and desiring something is not always sufficient to obtain something. It is possible that there is not an effort of which I am capable that will push my game development to the distribution levels required to provide me with a sustainable income. However it is of course possible that there is. I have faced several times the feelings of "this is never going to work" or "this is never going to come together" only to push them aside and tell myself that it won't work today and it won't come together today but with effort it will be closer at the end of the day than it was at the beginning.

In the end I believe the movement toward the ultimate goal or ultimate desire is all we really get. Life ends to quickly for a single person to ever soak up the full magnitude of their potential. Therefore what I believe is the most important is that we understand our deep goals and our deep desires and have the courage and the stamina to continue to move toward them.

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Back to the day to day stuff ... We have been getting frost in the mornings now. Exactly one day later than we should have we got the garden covered. The tomatoes and peppers look like they are going to be OK but I am worried about the zucchini and the summer squash. Those things are all technically part of my mom's garden but all the same it was too bad to see them get frost burn. Everything I planted is frost resistant. With the plastic on and the weather still getting warm in the afternoon the make shift green house feels quite tropical inside. While I know this isn't ideal for lettuce I have decided to keep my lettuce inside the green house as an experiment in how heat resistant it is. Regressing to the discussion of dreams for a bit a dream that has been growing in my mind is one of having a small farm. On my farm I want to start with developing infrastructure to support a sustained family sized supply of milk, eggs, lettuce and tomatoes. I plan to do other things of course but those four will be my focus. I would like to be setup to the point that they are all available through out the entire year. Finding a variety of lettuce that will survive summer heat is a critical piece to this plan.

Tyrell and Dallin seem to be doing really well in school. I am going in to Ty's class once a week now to help with a reading group. Last week was my first time going. I thought it was funny how nervous I was to go. Things of course went great. I was pleased to learn that my child is not the only third grader in the world that can't sit up through and entire story. Dallin's school work is a little tricky in that so far we give his math and reading homework to Natalyn because it is so far behind his level. He does need a lot of work on his handwriting. We are trying to sell him on the idea that this time in school is a good time to focus on improving the clarity of his writing. With that said I really want to avoid the trap of getting the kids fixated on their weaknesses. I remember how frustrating it was as a kid to have a straight A report card except for the C in handwriting. Lexie did the same so it is not surprising that our kids are having trouble with handwriting. As a child I remember feeling helpless about the level of my handwriting. As an adult I am preaching to the kids some jibberish about practice. I am sure it is hitting their ears the same way my parents mumbling some similar concept bounced off mine when I was eight years old.

September 7, 2008

It is hard to believe that in two days Jacob will already be 3 weeks old. Hard enough to believe I did actually pull out a calendar after typing the last sentence just to be sure it was true. What I believe and what is true frequently aren't the same thing, but in this case it really does seem to check out. On September 9th Jacob will be three weeks old. The time really has been clipping along.

Last week was Jacob's blessing. Lexie's parents are serving a mission in Salt Lake City. A baby blessing is something for which they can get a leave of absence to attend. It was a lot of fun to see them and they were delighted to see Jacob and the rest of the kids. Tyrell kept Papa (Lexie's dad) busy singing just about every song he knew.

Lexie's parents were able to come up to see Jacob.

We decided to skip the state fair this year because the Monday the kids had off of school was rainy and it didn't seem worth the effort and expense to cram a trip to Blackfoot into a school night. I think Florida has their state fair in February so hopefully we can catch that one. I think there is a pretty strong poultry showing down in that area. Something I would really like to do once we get on the road again is to make it to a large poultry show.

In the spirit of keeping the stone rolling as to not gather moss we did get out this weekend to go to Craters of the Moon National Monument. We brought my grandma. To accomodate sleeping much to the delight of the kids we needed to bring a tent. I find it highly amusing that given our life style a persistent complaint with the kids is that we don't camp enough. Camping of course to them means that one needs to sleep in a tent not one of those cushy trailers. The requirment of a tent and extra bedding pushed our departure time a bit farther out than we had anticipated so we did not arrive at our camp site until after dark. Although he traveled wonderfully Jacob was the definition of "not a happy camper" when we arrived so Lexie was tied up taking care of him. There was something strangly fitting to me about being a mid thirties guy setting up a tent by myself at 9:30 PM. It just seems like the kind of thing guys in their thirties with more ambition than capacity are supposed to do. Since we were only truely short one bed in the trailer I decided it was a worth while risk to leave the fly off the tent as to have a reasonably unobstructed view of the stars. The weather prediction did not include rain and even if we did get rained on the worst case was the kids would go in the trailer and I would stay out in wet bedding.

Sleeping with the fly off turned out great!

We were very comfortable in the tent.

I can't remember the last time I saw stars so brightly but I believe it was in Idaho when I did. I don't know nearly enough about astronomy but I was reasonably sure I could see 2 galaxies in addition to the Milky Way.

Tyrell took advantage of having extra space in the trailer and slept in it. I slept with Dallin, Natalyn and David. The bet in leaving the fly off was a good one. Everyone slept comfortably through the night outside.

I made it a point to get my run in first thing in the morning because I knew that we would be doing a lot of walking through the day. I wanted to be sure I got my run finished before I lost enthusiasm. For the last 4 weeks I have been following a 5K training program from the book "Running for Mortals". I haven't been perfect to the schedule, but I have been doing really well on it. My only misses were when Jacob was born and when I have been sick. I plan to race in October to compare my time to my race time last year. I don't remember my exact time other than to know it was in the 28-30 minute range. With my October race I am not going to be happy with anything over 25 min. My secret hope is that I can push my time under 20 minutes but I know that is not going to happen by October. I have to much evidence of my love of hot dogs and ice cream riding with me to get a time that fast for a while. In the mean time I keep telling myself the extra weight is building muscle as I run with it. With that said I do feel confident that if I can hold my current course I will eventually get there. My running program is time based as opposed to distance based so I haven't been keeping track of my distances with respect to time. In general right now I think I am jogging at what I was racing at last year. Yesterday I was pleased that I was able to jog for 35 continuous minutes in light hills. I am not happy with the pace yet but thrilled that I was able to keep at a jog. Bit by bit my running is feeling more like it should. Yesterday was one of the first times I can remember in much too long that it seemed like my body took over the running for me. I remeber when I was a teenager it seemed like I could just get my body running almost like one would start a car and then it would just go without much more effort from me. Yesterday wasn't quite that good but it did remind me of it. I think a key to life is grabbing hold of the things which are right and enjoying them even if they are not perfect.

After getting back from the run and cleaning up camp we started the day at the visitor's center to get the kids packets to become junior rangers. Other than Cabrillo National Monument the kids have gotten Junior Ranger badges at all of the other national parks and monuments at which we have stopped. I don't remember if this stop made 8 or 9 but at any rate it is growing to an impressive collection especially for a single year. I don't have any intention of having any of the kids grow up to be park rangers but I do like the contents of the activity packets which require observation and recording of observation. There is so much to be learned in the still and quite of nature the sooner one can turn their ears, eyes, nose, mouth and touch toward it the better. Of course when my kids get in it nature isn't so still and quite anymore but I am quite pleased everytime they find things of genuine interest to themselves. I was especially delighted on one part of a hike when David couldn't get more than 10 feet without finding something which would stop him until he could show it to Lexie. The shapes and colors of the Craters of the Moon National Monument really are spectacular in that they are so different from most of what we see in our day to day lives. That is of course those of us that don't live by volcanoes. There are some pictures at Craters of the Moon of lava tubes in Hawaii which still have molten lava in the bottom. I think those would be fantastic to see.

The kids had a great time playing on the car as we were getting camp struck.

We had wonderful weather. Jacob did great through the whole day.

Ty and Dallin did a great job reading signs on the trails.

The four oldest on their way to the caves.

In the absence of kids to watch I think I could spend a full day just staring at the colors and shapes in the park.

The kids loved the caves but hated the dark.

I often wonder what happens in David's mind. Right now I think he is just tired. He was excited by many of the things he saw on the trail.

Grandma was very pleased to get back to Craters of the Moon. She was amazed at how much pavement there was. Her memories involved dirt roads.

My garden August 31, 2008

My garden September 7, 2008. I have started thinning the lettuce.