When I do my running lately my favorite part of my run is when I am going east. The reason for this is that on clear days with the lighting right if I look for it I can see the summit of the Grand Teton. I like to look at the peak and imagine I am running toward it with the intention to climb it. I like to remember that I stood on the mountain's top just over a year ago. I find the view of the Grand Teton very symbolic of dreams in life.
Eastward view from my trailer. The summit of the Grand Teton shows up in this picture but you have to know it is there and really be looking for it.
The same picture as the previous with the Grand Teton painted over to show its location.
The best and biggest dreams of life seem to spend most of their time seeming so far off and at many times not even visible. However at times with persistence and with a constant eye toward them we eventually meet the fruition of our efforts. Last year as I was looking forward to an attempt on the Grand Teton while I knew the climb was something I would be capable of, until I successfully made the accent the goal remained as an unrealized potential. I do not cease to be amazed at the way that some things can be so clear some times yet at a majority of the other times the same things of which we enjoyed a perfect clarity of vision can become blurred to the point that they do not seem to even posses a space in our consciousness. Only later do these things again appear with the same or greater clarity through which we once understood them.
The dream I am thinking about today isn't a mountain climb but rather the one that caused me to sell my house and leave my job. The way from day to day I can see or can not see the Grand Teton from here depending on the weather and depending on how much effort I give to looking for it reminds me of the way the vision of the life I was after will slip in and out of my consciousness from time to time. As my work on my first game is getting closer to completion I have enjoyed some renewed clarity in the vision. While at the present I am faced with a lot of doubts it is nice to think back on previous success and find belief that what I am doing can work. In life believing in something, working toward something and desiring something is not always sufficient to obtain something. It is possible that there is not an effort of which I am capable that will push my game development to the distribution levels required to provide me with a sustainable income. However it is of course possible that there is. I have faced several times the feelings of "this is never going to work" or "this is never going to come together" only to push them aside and tell myself that it won't work today and it won't come together today but with effort it will be closer at the end of the day than it was at the beginning.
In the end I believe the movement toward the ultimate goal or ultimate desire is all we really get. Life ends to quickly for a single person to ever soak up the full magnitude of their potential. Therefore what I believe is the most important is that we understand our deep goals and our deep desires and have the courage and the stamina to continue to move toward them.
Back to the day to day stuff ... We have been getting frost in the mornings now. Exactly one day later than we should have we got the garden covered. The tomatoes and peppers look like they are going to be OK but I am worried about the zucchini and the summer squash. Those things are all technically part of my mom's garden but all the same it was too bad to see them get frost burn. Everything I planted is frost resistant. With the plastic on and the weather still getting warm in the afternoon the make shift green house feels quite tropical inside. While I know this isn't ideal for lettuce I have decided to keep my lettuce inside the green house as an experiment in how heat resistant it is. Regressing to the discussion of dreams for a bit a dream that has been growing in my mind is one of having a small farm. On my farm I want to start with developing infrastructure to support a sustained family sized supply of milk, eggs, lettuce and tomatoes. I plan to do other things of course but those four will be my focus. I would like to be setup to the point that they are all available through out the entire year. Finding a variety of lettuce that will survive summer heat is a critical piece to this plan.
Tyrell and Dallin seem to be doing really well in school. I am going in to Ty's class once a week now to help with a reading group. Last week was my first time going. I thought it was funny how nervous I was to go. Things of course went great. I was pleased to learn that my child is not the only third grader in the world that can't sit up through and entire story. Dallin's school work is a little tricky in that so far we give his math and reading homework to Natalyn because it is so far behind his level. He does need a lot of work on his handwriting. We are trying to sell him on the idea that this time in school is a good time to focus on improving the clarity of his writing. With that said I really want to avoid the trap of getting the kids fixated on their weaknesses. I remember how frustrating it was as a kid to have a straight A report card except for the C in handwriting. Lexie did the same so it is not surprising that our kids are having trouble with handwriting. As a child I remember feeling helpless about the level of my handwriting. As an adult I am preaching to the kids some jibberish about practice. I am sure it is hitting their ears the same way my parents mumbling some similar concept bounced off mine when I was eight years old.
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