January 05, 2008

Saturday, January 05, 2008 6:17:24 AM

I did do the video last Sunday.  I was happy with the outcome.  I was surprised how difficult it was to get a good tape but that really validated my reasons for doing it.  If I tape myself, look at it and think I look incoherent then it is easy to think that I look incoherent adlibbing things to the kids.  The other thing that worked well is that in as much as it was on a video media it did seem that I got good attention from the kids.  The kids watched it several times and we were able to have several “do you remember what it said in the letter?” conversations.

I read a little about Tao’ism in a book titled something to the effect of “The Tao of Pooh”.  I was mixed in my reaction to it.  For one I find that a lot of my thinking lines up with Tao’ism in that I believe there are harmonies to be found in the universe.  The idea of an empty mind I find a bit of conflict with because I enjoy analysis so much.  With that said I also believe in revelation and the mind does need a quietness for that.  In fact a major reason I am excited about the opportunity presented by the trip is that I expect it to facilitate more of the quiet time in my life.

 What I don’t know how to do is make the balance between accepting my own nature and striving for progress.  I think the process needs to start with a very frank inspection of myself.  Before I try to do anything in an attempt to change my nature I need to understand it.  With that said the quest to understand my nature will require a little change sort of.  For example writing in my journal this morning rather than jumping in the tub with a comic book felt like a fight against my nature how ever once I finally started it I am feeling really good about doing it and probably am more relaxed than I would be in the tub thinking about all of the things that I am not getting done.  Running falls into the same category as a journal in terms of something that I want to do but seems to be a fight of my nature to get started on.

I really have not found myself to be good at repetitive activities.  Getting more consistency in important matter is something that I hope to be able to achieve in 2008.  With that said I know I harbor an inner fear of a life that is all routine and lacks spontaneity and freedom.  I really want to get as much process as possible out of my day to day life so that I can do what ever I want.  It seems the less time it takes to bath, get dressed, do laundry, clean the house, cook food etc. that it takes the better unless of course that is what I want to be doing.  There is a lot to be said for the joy in life of a long bath or preparing a nice meal.  It just can’t be that life always is involved in those things at expense of other things.

I believe that the mental freedom of not having as many fixed activities or appointments on my schedule will be a great boon to my general productivity.  I know I often put of a journal or exercise because I need to get to work at a certain time or get to sleep so that I can get up a certain time.

I want to find a nice balance between pushing myself hard enough and being easy on myself.  I know I push myself to hard and am too easy on myself all at the same time now.  Something that helps a lot is if I can keep a clear picture of what my goals and priorities are and then just continue to do things to make progress toward them but let the pace take care of itself.