January 20, 2008

Sunday, January 20, 2008 7:39:43 AM

I am going to switch formats of my journal to a blog after I get the security stuff figured out well and the blog stuff for that matter.  I was really excited yesterday to get a data base read to work on my web site that meant that I had both php and sql functioning.  Getting the little things like that started is sometimes the hardest part.  It also of course can also be the most exciting part.  I do suffer from the “once I know how to do it why bother doing it” syndrome.  Between the Adobe tools that I bought and the PHP and MYSQL stuff that I am working on I am fighting the feelings of being overwhelmed.  On the one hand I am very excited about the new found abilities and power on the other hand I feel squeezed by the pressure of not knowing so many things that I want know and feel like I need to know in order to make my business successful.  I also get concerned that I have under estimated the task of getting my business going.   Well I really don’t think I have, as I said in the start of my journal entry I cleared one of my blocks with just a couple hours of effort which is exactly the way I expected to clear the block.  I know it will take about a month to get a website functioning the way I want it.  I just have it in my head that it has to happen now so that I can get started with my game development.  The thing I need to come to terms with is that my game development will likely not be the driver for my income in 2008 it is more likely that I will be able to get income through web development.  The fundamental belief I am operating under is that as long as I stay focused toward meaningful goals and stay moving I will be fine.  So that brings up a great question.  What are meaningful goals?  Let me take a crack at them here:

1) Not go broke

2) Get Healthy

3) Improve family relationships

4) Educate the children

5) Educate myself

6) Get wealthy

7) Teach others to believe in their dreams

8) Have fun

I would like to disclaim that as not being an ordered list however I believe that it is pretty close in as much as it is informative to know which order things emerged from my mind.  The not go broke entry definitely came in strong and loud when I was thinking about what it was I was trying to get accomplished.  So that identifies the emotional response.  However when my mind looks at the list it is obvious to me that it would be better to be broke, healthy, have great family relationships, and educated children.  So number 1 should really be number 4.  So what are the factors that put it at number 1?  I would have to guess fear is the major player.  The thought of not having money to pay for food or medical care for the family is untenable.   After that I think it is mostly a matter of pride and comfort.  When I think about the pride and comfort factors they are a lot less important to me and I believe that I could deal with out money very well if I were healthy, happy and engaged in something that I thought was meaningful.  So the question to answer is how do I push the concerns over food and health care out of my mind or more to the point find a resolution to them that doesn’t get in the way of pursuing my dreams.  I have thought that it could be as simple as live a simple existence and use money while I have it and then when I run out use government programs to cover food and health care until I can get things working and feel justified by it in as much as I believe that once I get things going I will be paying tons of money back to the government such that it would actually be a great investment for them especially considering the positive impact my games will have on the quality of US education.  I can’t really believe that argument however.  I also don’t know if I could handle the humility that would be imposed by needing to ask for food and at the same time hold the self belief necessary to pull off what I am trying to do.

I only need to make just a bit over $2500 a month to meet the expenses that I am concerned about.  In my current job that would be about half time.  The problem is that it is hard to walk into a half time job that pays at the rate I am getting paid.  Well that appears to be a problem at AMIS any way.  I suppose the sequence is to going to be:

• 6 months of focused work toward business development
• 60% long term (1-2) years
• 30% short term web development etc
• 10% home run attempt
• After 6 months then if I am at a sustainable level of income then I can just keep going if I am not quite then I shift the tables to
• 60% short term income/job searching
• 30% long term work
• 10% home run attempt

I believe the previous sequence can work.  As long as I have enough work to pay the necessities I believe that my skills will leave me with enough time to still be able to work on the long term projects.

Back to the order of my list I believe that the reason that wealthy and fun came out in the order that they did is simply the belief that wealth would be a lot of fun and possibly that I value freedom over fun.  I am not sure if I value freedom over fun but there is a good chance that I do.  I imagine I am the sort of monkey that put in a cage full of wonderful toys would spend most of my time looking for a way to “break the joint”.